


L'arte di Amare

by LukasBondevik



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-28
Updated: 2014-01-29
Packaged: 2017-12-24 22:50:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/945601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LukasBondevik/pseuds/LukasBondevik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lovino Vargas is in his second semester of school, when he meets two unlikely candidates to lay claim to the role of changing his life forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gilbert

Lovino Vargas gripped his sketchpad to his chest as he waited for his class to start, a nervous habit he had retained since high school. It made him seem like he was using the pages as a protective shield against whatever the school had to offer him, which was a silly notion considering how much his grandfather was paying to send him here. It wasn't like he was not used to it though. It was his second semester at art school and he was used to the atmosphere and the student body and the staff almost a little too intimately for someone who'd only been there for four months or so.

But here he sat, the rest of the new art students in their first life drawing class with actual naked people. Lovino had only seen one person naked before in his life and that was his younger twin brother Feliciano, and it didn't really count considering they looked pretty much exactly the same. But the voices of the class around him were a dull roar as he mused over his thoughts, wondering if he'd get as embarrassed drawing a naked person as he did the first time he tried to kiss a girl or if he'd simply drop the class after the first day.

The door opened and the students grew silence as who Lovino assumed was their teacher strolled in. He had long, curly blond hair that brushed his shoulders and the start of a beard on his chin, trailing along his jawline. His eyes were blue, his cheekbones and chin chiseled like a Grecian statue, long tapered fingers and graceful limbs. But he carried himself in such a pompous way that Lovino was wary of him, despite a few of the girls around him giggling at the man.

He turned around, with a sweater tied loosely around his shoulders, and wrote on the white board  _Professor Bonnefoy_  in swirling letters in a blue marker with a gratuitous amount of flourish. "Bonjour mes amis!" he greeted them with a wink and grin, making the same girls nearly swoon in their seats. His accent was strong and French, and it drove a migraine into Lovino's head. He always preferred the dancing, melodious language of his grandfather, of his people. Anything else sounded harsh. "My name is Francis Bonnefoy and I will be your instructor in your life drawing classes for this semester." He stared right at Lovino and winked again, making an uncomfortable swelling fill the pit of his stomach.

He hated this guy already.

"I trust you won't be insulted if we get started right away?" he asked, pulling up his chair and leaning back in it. "I will pass out my rules and standards in the next class, for today I would like to see how well you are each along and how much instruction you will each need."

A girl behind him whispered, "I'll let him instruct me as much as he wants." Lovino couldn't help but roll his eyes as he tossed his sketchpad on his easel, waiting for the professor to finish his speech and finally get the class started. "Are we drawing you?" the same girl asked, half joking and half serious judging by the look on her face. Lovino thought his eye might pop out of his skull if he rolled them any higher to the ceiling. The Frenchman seemed almost comically touched and flattered by her statement, and he laughed obnoxiously at the sentiment.

He said in a teasing tone, "Not today, ma cherie, but maybe soon if you're a good girl." So many winks, it was driving Lovino crazy. As he tuned out the girls' enamored giggling, he watched Professor Bonnefoy pull out a small stage towards the center of the floor where they were all sitting. He checked it from various angles to make sure it was evenly distanced from all the students. Finally finished, he turned away from them and around the backside of a curtain off to the side of the room. "Gilbert, you're up first!"

"Yeah! Fuck yeah!" a voice cheered and the person darted around the curtain and startled the entire class. He had silver hair and eyes that were a deep maroon color. But the most startling thing was his alabaster skin, white as snow and Lovino couldn't look away in his shock even if he tried. The man met his eyes and grinned widely, putting his hands on his bare hips as he did so. He refused to look down, he  _refused_ , even as Gilbert strutted over to the platform. Francis took a seat at his desk as the students began to take out their charcoal and start to sketch the albino man.

Lovino's hand shook as he started, trying to keep from flushing in embarrassment as he did so because Gilbert did not take his eyes from him. He didn't know why. He couldn't think of a single reason. So he focused on his drawing, pretending the man wasn't staring him down. He had to admit after the initial shock of the man's condition, he could tell he was pretty good looking, all things considered. He was in great shape, muscular and handsome, and Lovino finally met his eyes, feeling both annoyed with the attention and a teensy bit flattered.

"All right, one more minute and then Gil get your pants back on," Francis laughed and gave Gilbert a questioning glance before turning his attention out into the students. Lovino realized he was trying to figure out who Gilbert was staring at and quickly refocused his attention back on his drawing. It was a decent approximation of the top half of Gil's body, though not particularly detailed except for his face. There was something about that face... Francis tossed Gilbert's pants back at him without warning and laughed as the man nearly toppled from the stand.

He grumbled and walked behind the curtain, getting dressed as he went and Francis collected their drawings carefully as he walked around the class. For some reason he looked at Lovino's a little longer than most before heading back to the desk. "We had one more model but we're nearly out of time, so we'll have to—"

"Ah really? I wanted to go!" a Spanish lilting voice sounded from behind the curtain and a mop of brown hair poked around the edge. "C'mon Francis!" he whined, pouting out his bottom lip at the teacher. The Frenchman seemed incredibly amused and then shrugged, motioning his consent to the idea.

"Go on then, Antonio, you crazy bastard," he said with a roll of his eyes.

"Yes!" Antonio bounced towards the stand and stood there, making Lovino flinch back in surprise. He was the exact opposite of Gilbert, dark curly hair and olive skin, bright green eyes and a huge smile that made Lovino's heart skip a beat. Shit, he'd never been so easily affected by another person before, let along two in the same day. Sure they were attractive and naked but damn it he needed to be more professional! He was an artist for God's sake!

His hand flew across te page though as he drew Antonio, more so than when Gil was there. He drew every muscle and sinew carefully and accurately, this time a full body portrait with no shame. He didn't notice the others leaving little by little around him until he was the only one left.

"Almost done,  _mon amour_?" Francis's deep voice sounded into his ear, the tone amused and Lovino jumped, turning around to see Gilbert and Francis watching him draw carefully. He met Gilbert's eyes and flushed, stooping down for a moment to pick up the charcoal that he dropped in his fright. God, he was embarrassing himself pretty well today, and Feliciano wasn't even around to help.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked angrily, starting to pack up his things as if he knew what he was doing. Gilbert laughed and that made him feel angrier, wondering why they decided to give him such a hard time. "What's so damn funny?"

He seemed taken aback by the venom in his tone and answered bemusedly, "Just how intensely you were drawing Tony's left bicep was pretty crazy." Lovino rolled his eyes and glanced back to the piece of art, suddenly quiet. It was the best thing he had ever drawn, hands down. The lines were organic and the proportions correct. Everything was shaded well and the care and details were astounding. "Hey Antonio come look at this."

"Okay!" The man bounded over, still naked as the day he was born and leaned over Lovino's shoulder to get a closer look at the drawing. His chest was warm and the hand he placed on Lovino's other shoulder gave him goosebumps. "Wow! That looks just like me! I'm impressed, I should do this naked modeling thing more often." At his breaking point, Lovino shrugged Antonio off of him and scurried away from the bench he had been sitting on, ready to get going to his next class even though it didn't start for another hour and a half.

"The fuck is wrong with you three?" Lovino asked with a frown, gripping his bag and snatching his sketch pad from the easel while avoiding the three of them at all costs. He turned on heel and hurried from the room, feeling the heat of embarrassment against the back of his neck. He really needed to drop that class and not just because of his embarrassment. That teacher was absolutely insane.

The rest of his day was incredibly boring, especially in comparison to what had occurred in that art room. He ate lunch in the food court on campus alone, glaring at the picture he had sketched of Antonio angrily. Professor Bonnefoy hadn't collected it from him and he didn't ask for it afterward, so he figured he could hang onto it for a while. Not that he wanted to for any particular reason other than the fact that it was his greatest creation to date. He flipped the page open and looked at it again, wondering how he even managed that.

"Can't get enough of my face?" a voice behind him asked. He dropped the sketchpad and twisted around in his seat to see Gilbert standing before him, fully clothed this time, grinning from ear to ear. He flopped down in the chair next to Lovino and leaned over by him, meeting his eyes easily. God this was going to get annoying wasn't it?

Lovino scoffed loudly. "Are you fucking stupid? The French guy collected those from us remember?" He glared at Gilbert, hoping the man would get the hint and leave him the fuck along. He leaned away from him, hoping he could try to get away as covertly as possible. This was the last thing that he was looking for right now, especially when he was trying to enjoy his lunch and not hurl it up in the next possible moment.

"Oh shit, you're right," he said with a laugh, leaning his arm across the back of Lovino's chair. He wanted to shoot a snide comment at Gilbert in hopes to get him off his back, but he didn't have time to before the asshole opened his mouth yet again to speak. "So, what's your name?"

He furrowed his brow. "Wouldn't you like to know?" he grumbled sarcastically, finishing up his pizza as quickly as he could to get out of there as soon as possible. This is not what he signed up for at all. "Fuck off and leave me alone." Gilbert seemed surprised at the aggressive reaction and seemed at a loss for words and he glanced around himself, almost trying to find someone to help him. A pang of regret hit Lovino's heart but he really wasn't interested in making friends with this guy or anyone he associated with, like Professor Bonnefoy or Antonio. He was here to learn, not to make friends.

"Lovino!" a chipper voice called and he turned around in his seat just as his brother threw his arms around Lovino's neck with a laugh. "Hello big brother, how are you?" Feliciano and he shared many of the same features, from facial structure to eye color, from height to body structure. His hair was a darker shade of auburn than his brother's, and he styled it differently to make sure people could tell them apart. Lovino shrugged his brother off and Feliciano took a seat across from him at the little table, his smile wide and accommodating at Gilbert. "Who is your friend?"

He scoffed. "That is not my friend, he's bothering me."

"Ah, twins?" Gilbert said with a drop of his jaw, glancing between the two in awe.

"No shit, Sherlock."

Feliciano ignored his brother's remark and nodded happily. "I'm Feliciano Vargas and this is my brother Lovino!" he motioned between the two of them to make sure Gilbert could remember who was who. When they were younger Feli didn't care that no one but their grandfather could tell them apart, but he knew how much it bothered Lovino, so he always made it a point to make sure that people knew. Secretly, Lovino was grateful towards his brother. Though not at this particular moment, considering he was trying to make Gilbert go away rather than give him his name, albeit unwittingly.

Gilbert nodded appreciatively towards Feliciano and had the other brother stay on his other side. "It's nice to meet you two. Lovino is in my friend's life drawing class so that's how we met." Lovino was fuming, feeling the burn on his cheeks. It made it sound like he was enjoying Gilbert's unsolicited friendship advances, like he invited this irritating man to harass him, unwarranted. Feliciano sat closely to Gilbert, his smile bright as he chatted away like they had known each other for years. Lovino was silent, not wanting any part of the conversation at all as he tried to tune the two out, completely miserable.

"Ah, Lovi." Suddenly his attention was drawn over to Gilbert, who was unleashing the full effect of that smug grin and his oddly colored eyes on him, and Lovino would be lying if he said that he wasn't falling just a tiny bit under his spell. He hated every second of it though, and it didn't help his mood. "What are you doing later? Wanna go do something?"

Whatever he had been expecting from Gilbert, it certainly wans't that. He stared at the man in surprise and realized Feliciano wasn't nearby anymore, just talking to someone off to the side that he couldn't quite make out past Gilbert. "What?" was all he could muster in his surprise.

"You know," Gilbert said, finally starting to lose some of his bravado at Lovino's lack of interest. "Like dinner? Movie? Something?" Lovino stared at him, dumbfounded. No one had ever asked him about before, man or woman or anyone really. Did he just have some sort of gay vibe around him or was Gilbert really that confident? He narrowed his eyes slightly at Gil, who finally lost all of his certainty in his endeavor and was completely silent. Finally, he was exactly how Lovino wanted him to be.

He snapped, "Dinner? Movie? Most over used ideas ever. But thanks anyway." It wasn't a no, Lovino realized as he stood up to pick up his things, and start moving towards his next class. He had wasted enough time on this, that was for sure. He left Gilbert with his mouth hanging open slightly in surprise as he turned away. Thank God to be away from that idiot though. But Lovino couldn't help but feel a little flustered, maybe even touched, that someone had even thought to ask him on a date anywhere. It was flattering and Gilbert was pretty attractive despite being overwhelming as a person. Why did he say no?

Lovino wasn't really sure. He kind of wished he said yes.

But the next day and the day after that, Gilbert found him again and asked him again. Laser tag? Picnic? Minigolf? Coffee? He said no again and again like he was getting paid for it, and the entire time he couldn't even think of a viable reason why. But after a week of not ever saying a word but no to Gilbert, he finally decided it was probably time to give it a try.

He sat in the food court at the same table as before and waited for him to show his face, tapping his fingers nervously against his knee. He hadn't seen Gil since the last class session as he didn't show up today, and he wondered if today of all days he'd decided to call it quits. That would have been an incredible disappointment, he thought morosely, picking at his pizza with a frown. He had such high fucking standards for a person that no one was every interested in, and Gilbert fit probably all of them and yet he still said no. He was feeling down and put his hands against his face, angry with himself. Like that would ever happen again.

"Lovi!" He jumped in his seat as Gil sat down next to him, holding a small flier in his face. "I just got a VIP pre-opening invite to a new Italian restaurant downtown and I was wondering if you'd like to join me for it?" He opened his mouth to demand why he kept trying, when all he ever did was deny any request Gilbert sent his way. Boy did this guy hate to give up.

"When?" he asked quietly, avoiding Gil's gaze and focusing on the flier instead.

"Uh," he started, thrown by the question. "Tomorrow night if that's all right. If you're free?" Lovino did a mental inventory of any possible plans he may have had, but he was kidding himself if he actually thought he had something to do. As far as he was aware, he did not, big surprise. He looked from the sheet to Gilbert, finally deciding to be a man and do what he wanted to from the first day Gilbert talked to him.

Lovino said, "Yeah, I am."

"Really?" Gilbert didn't seem like that was the answer he was expecting, and for the first time since they met he was really at a loss for words. "Ah well it starts at seven, so I'll pick you up around six thirty?" Lovino watched him for a moment, knowing that this is his last chance to make or break this.

Lovino sighed. "Sure." He pulled Gilbert's phone from his shirt pocket and programmed his number into it. His actual number. What had gotten into him?

"Sweet, Lovi! It's going to be awesome!" Gilbert gave Lovino his number and the two parted ways, and Lovino couldn't help but feel a little pleased with himself as he saved the number into his phone. A face appeared close to his and he turned with a start to see what was there, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Ah Lovi!" Feliciano greeted, putting his arms around his brother's neck and staring at the contact information in his phone, still showing on the screen. "You got Gil's number? Are you seeing him soon?" He flushed and pushed his brother from his shoulders in embarrassment, hiding his phone in his pocket. Feliciano whined and took the seat next to him at the table, resting his chin in his palms. He stared at Lovino with big eyes, trying his best to see like a little puppy dog begging for a treat. Lovino glared at him before sighing, giving in like he always did to his brother. He couldn't keep anything away from him for long.

Begrudgingly, he answered, "Yeah I did. He's taking me to dinner tomorrow night, I guess." Feliciano's eyes got even larger and rounder at the mention of the date, his face breaking into a huge smile. "Don't get too excited Feli, it doesn't mean anything," he snapped, crossing his arms over his chest in frustration. "I said yes to get him off my back."

Feliciano frowned. "That's not very nice Lovi. I think Gil really likes you." He rolled his eyes. Little did his brother know, he thought to himself guiltily, looking at his hands. He kind of liked Gil already, too. No one had ever shown any sort of interest in him and it made him feel, against his better judgment and self assessment, special. He wrung his hands out for a moment as hie brother continued to watch him with that same little lost dog look.

"What Feliciano?" he snapped. "I gave him a chance, isn't that good enough?" He stood up in a fit from his brother and stalked away, feeling his phone vibrate in his hand as he walked. He looked down at the screen, noting Gil's name lighting it up.

_Hey, I just wanted to be sure you had my number._

He felt his heart skip a beat and with some difficulty avoided hitting himself in the face. How embarrassing, he thought to himself as he exited out of the message.

The next day went by quickly as he could think of nothing else but his date with Gilbert. It was a weird feeling to be excited for something he'd never experienced before, he realized as he fixed his shirt and duly ignored the curl of hair in his bangs tha the knew would never lie flat. He had always been a snappy dresser if given the opportunity to show it off, but just going to school or work was never an apt reason to wear his best clothing.

But this was a very obvious exception. He had on a black button up shirt with the sleeves casually rolled up to his elbows, a pair of black slacks and one his best pairs of Italian dress shoes that his grandfather gave him one Christmas. He stared at himself in the full length mirror behind his dorm room's door, making sure he looked absolutely perfect. Lovino sighed and checked his watch, nothing it was nearing six thirty and began to get ready to leave, his nerves starting to get the best of him as his stomach started doing backflips to his throat. What was he? A teenage girl?

He locked the door to his dorm and headed down the stairs, ignoring a few of the curious glances from a few of the others that shared his floor. There was a silver car already waiting outside of the building and Lovino approached it cautiously. What if it was a psycho and he was trying to kidnap an unwitting stranger that was walking up to him? The passenger side window rolled down as he slowly approached, and he saw Gilbert's amused grin as he leaned over to see Lovino. "Enjoying the view?" he asked with a laugh and revved his engine as Lovino climbed in.

"I'm not really a car person," he admitted, sliding comfortably into the leather seat and looking at the lit up dash board.

Gil chuckled. "It's okay. This baby is German made, best car engineers in the world." He put the vehicle into drive and smoothly pulled away from the curb, easily maneuvering the vehcle with one hand, the other resting on the edge of the door below the window. "So, Lovi, I assume you like Italian food? Was that what finally changed your mind? Free dinner while getting to talk to the awesome me all night?" Lovino flushed in embarrassment and started to get defensive, his mouth skewing into a grimace and his brows furrowing. Did Gilbert really think that lowly of him?

But he stopped with his easy laugh filled the car again and became confused as the robust noise reverberated in his ears. "Ah, Lovi! You're so angry sometimes, you need to learn to lighten up. I was just kidding." The bright grin that never seemed to leave Gil's face was nice, nice to know that someone smiled at him that way.

"You almost really pissed me off, you damn jerk," he replied with a frown, though just barely suppressing a smile, finally relaxing enough to lean his shoulders against the seat back and letting himself unwind a little bit. He was comfortable, he realized. He'd been on edge for so long that it was a welcome relief to finally calm down around someone.

"I'm sure that would've been fun to watch," he continued to tease and he turned into the parking lot of a vibrantly decorated building. Lovino scoffed and climbed out as they parked, waiting for Gilbert to meet him on the sidewalk. He took Lovino's arm and led him to the door of a location called Valentino's, handing his voucher to the man at the door. The two of the entered, and were met with boisterous talking and soft, instrumental music.

"Cousin Lovi?" He turned to get a better look at the man at the host stand, startled, and then realized he actually recognized him. He had hair like his and the color of Feliciano's, the same bone structure and build, and the same eyes that almost everyone on his grandfather's side of the family shared.

"Cousin Valentino?" Valentino gripped Lovino in a tight hug, nearly crushing him and seemed to get incredibly emotional, also a trait that many people in their family shared. "Is this your place? Your restaurant?" He caught Gilbert's bemused expression as he glanced at them and wrung out his hands for a moment. "Also this is Gilbert. Gil, my cousin Valentino Vargas."

Valentino grinned and gave Gilbert a wink. "Pleasure to meet you Gil!" He hugged him when Gilbert stuck out his hand for a shake, though just went along with the flow with a loud laugh. "Let me get you two a table okay?" he seated the two of them and gave them menus before leaning over to Lovino and whispering, "Nice catch, fratello, I'm proud." He felt his face burn as Valentino laughed gleefully and made his way back to the kitchen. The only thing keeping Lovino in his seat was the fact that he was on a date.

A date. Oh shit. He forgot.

He turned to Gilbert and the burn was worse, spreading to the back of his neck and sending tears to his eyes. Damn his family for being so emotional. "I'm so sorry," he managed to say, mortified at the way he was behaving, his hands against his mouth. But Gil's face wasn't one of irritation or anger, but of what appeared to be softness. He was watching Lovino with such an enamored look that he couldn't help but feel a little bit less anxious. He really liked him, Lovino could see that easily written on Gilbert's face.

The rest of the night went by in a blur, but Lovino remembered the important bits, the bits that really mattered. He remember how Gilbert held his hand on the table, the way his white skin contrasted with Lovino's so beautifully. Lovino remembered the warmth of Gilbert's fingers between his own as he pulled away from the restaurant when they were finished eating, ignoring the sly look from his cousin as they left.

He remembered the way Gilbert kissed him goodnight, one hand on his waist and the other pressed against his cheek, the tips of his fingers tangled slightly in his hair. For the first time in his life he felt the butterflies in this stomach, felt the erratic beat of his heart as Gil's mouth pulled away from his own. They watched each other for a moment afterward, still seated in Gil's car, and the both of them at a loss for words.

"Can I see you tomorrow?"

"Yes." The word left Lovino's mouth before Gilbert had even finished speaking, and the saw the man's face light up enough to brighten an entire stadium.


	2. Antonio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had gotten so long that I had to break it into two final chapters to keep things at least remotely even. One more chapter to go after this one!

It had been six months since Lovino's first date with Gilbert and five and half since he agreed to be with him. They were pretty inseparable. Lovino saw Gilbert at least once or twice a day like clockwork, and it made him indescribably happy. He wasn't even sure how to behave most of the time. The days sped by as they spent more and more time together, and Lovino couldn't help but become more attached than he ever thought he would be.

It was a strange sensation to pine after someone that way, to be so much less angry at the world all the time. It had gotten to the point where his brother and grandfather had noticed and commented on it somewhat regularly.

_Where did that sense of humor come from, Lovi?_

_Have you always smiled this much, big brother?_

But Lovino didn't care; he was happy.

...

"Roderich?" he asked over the phone during the first week of summer vacation, leaning shirtless against his bedroom door and staring blankly out of his bedroom window. His had was shaking slightly against his ear. "Who the hell is Roderich?" Gilbert was silent on the other end and Lovino could feel an enormous range of emotions filter through him. They were moving faster than he could process them, and he could barely catch a glimpse of what was to come if this call was going where he thought it was going.

For a moment neither said anything, before Gilbert finally started up again, "You know I don't like all that hokey bullshit about love at first sight and soulmates and shit." Lovino listened quietly, wondering if maybe he should sit down for the rest of this conversation. "But Roderich is the guy that I think I should be spending the rest of my life with." Lovino felt his face scrunch up, the words both hurting and confusing him. What the hell? Was he really doing this after the six months they spent with each other  _over the phone?_

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he asked in a low growl, tears already starting to make their way slowly down his cheeks. He didn't even bother to wipe them away. "Over the phone, Gil?"

For his part, he sounded sorry. He truly did. But Lovino didn't care one bit. "I didn't know what to do, Lovi. Shit, I'm so sorry. But when I met him I just knew that he was it for me." Lovino didn't even respond to that statement, not wanting to listen to another word from Gilbert. It was a such a brutal betrayal of his trust and he never trusted anyone, no one ever deserved it. What was the point? Why did he bother?

"Whatever, you damn fucking bastard," he said, his voice choking slightly with emotion and hanging up on Gilbert. He tossed his cell phone onto the bed and allowed himself to lay on the floor of his bedroom, very still, tears dripping onto the carpet. His body was shaking with the effort of trying to remain silent, attempting to avoid any questions from his brother or grandfather. How could he have let this happen to him? Why did it have to go this way? Six months of his life completely down the drain.

He could barely breathe between each of his gasping breaths, his nose and mouth pressed against the carpet.

…

It was a couple of weeks before Feliciano was able to convince Lovino to pry himself away from the television in the living room and coerce him to be among actual people again. Lovino was uninterested, but Feliciano begged him, so how could he say no to a face like that? Besides he was always down watch a game of soccer, no matter how amateur the teams.

"Goddammit Feliciano, how could you let that bastard get by you?!" Lovino screamed, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration. It was like watching the FIFA qualifiers all over again. It didn't help that Feli's team was wearing the Italian national colors, as all the teams in this league were represented by different countries, and their opponents were wearing the Spanish national colors. They had just gotten destroyed by Spain not too long ago and he still felt it deeply in his soul.

A man with his son gave Lovino a death glare and he balked a little bit, avoiding the man's piercing, blue eyed gaze, not in the least bit diluted by his square spectacles. Lovino made a point to move down a little bit away from the man, keeping his head down as he did so. He got a bad vibe from him, anyway. At least the game was almost over, he thought with a sigh, glancing to the electronic scoreboard that listed the teams as tied 1-1 with only three minutes left in the game.

Though he was secretly grateful to his brother for getting him out of the house and helping him to not think about, well, what he'd been thinking about nearly nonstop since it happened. A cloud of anxiety began to fill his head and he shook it away, knowing that this was Feliciano's day and he needed to be a good brother and support him, win or lose.

He made himself refocus back on the field, watching the bright auburn hair of his brother dash and weave down the field with the ball at his feet, heading towards the curly haired goalie at the opposing teams goal. "C'mon Feli!" he screamed, ignoring the scary blonde man as he jumped up in the bleachers and tugged at his hair. His brother dived around another player and kicked the ball as hard as he could. They were all silent as the ball flew threw the air and the goalie, for a moment, looked past the ball and into the stands.

Lovino felt a breath choke in his throat as the man caught his eye from the goal, realizing he recognized those bright green eyes. Realizing that he remember exactly where he had seen them before. He felt boiling fury and overwhelming sadness fill him to the brim as he stared at Antonio before noticing that the man was being bowled over by a well kicked soccer ball to the face. There was a collection of winces in the audience and Lovino blindly ran down to the field, knowing the game was over as Team Italy celebrated their victory. He pushed his way through Team Spain and forced himself through the players so he could situate himself by Antonio, feeling absurdly concerned for this idiot that he barely knew.

"Am I dreaming?" Antonio said blearily as Lovino leaned over his bruised face, his eyes slightly unfocused as he took in the sight of Lovino. The man furrowed his brow in confusion at Antonio, unsure of what the say as he really had no idea why he even cared so much about what happened to him. He took in quick glanced at the other players who were watching him uncertainly and turned quickly back to look at Antonio. "You are so beautiful."

Lovino's jaw dropped as he stared back at the still dazed soccer player as the rest of the team burst into hysterical laughter. Feeling his face start to burn, Lovino stood from Antonio's side and backed out of the group of players to head over to where his brother was standing, celebrating the win with the rest of his team, his face lit up with a bright smile.

Lovino grasped his brother around the waist and hoisted him a few inches from the ground in a congratulatory embrace, feeling incredibly familial that day. "Good job, Feliciano," he said with the biggest smile that he could muster, kissing his brother on the cheek as Feli's teammates pressed around them, still excited about their win.

"Thanks, big brother!" Feliciano replied as Lovino set him back down, putting his arm around his brother's shoulders. Feli seemed like he was going to say something else but gazed past Lovino before he did and smiled brightly at what he saw. "Good game, Antonio!" Lovino turned sharply and saw the happily grinning face of the olive skinned goalie, a bruise the side of an orange on his cheek, already red and swollen to the point that Lovino winced just looking at it.

"You know this guy?" he snapped, looking between his brother and Antonio in shock as the creeping sensation of hurt and agony started to plague his chest despite his best efforts at attempting to stop it. He hated Antonio, hated that the man was such a painful reminder to what had previously passed in his life so soon. But it was difficult to think badly of him. It wasn't his fault, though, what happened, and he had no right to hate Antonio for what had occurred. And besides, he was still as handsome and perfect as day they had first met.

Kind of met, he mused to himself as he reluctantly met the man's green eyes again and noticed that Antonio's face dropped a little bit, and his expression became a tiny bit morose. He knows what happened, Lovino realized.

Feliciano nodded happily, hugging Antonio around the neck. "Yes! He is the captain of Team Spain in this league and we've played each other before. He's a great goalie but no match for my skill!" His brother made a show of miming kicking a soccer ball and smiling back at Antonio who simply laughed and shrugged his shoulder, ruffling his brown curly hair a little bit in embarrassment.

"I doubt you'd believe me if I told you I got distracted," he said sheepishly, nudging his cleats into the dirt and smiling nervously.

"By what?" Feliciano asked in confusion, waving goodbye to a few of his teammates as they all started heading towards the parking lot at the far end of the park.

With the most attractive, alluring and breathtaking expression on his face, he shot a glance at Lovino, a soft smile gracing his features, his eyes lit up in the sun. Lovino felt his heart skip a beat and suddenly became furious with himself that he could've been hit by a meteor and died happy. "Have you ever thought you'd seen an angel?"

Feliciano's face lit up as Lovino burned in embarrassment, wondering how rude it would seem if he just ran away right at that moment. "Yes! That big, strong, blond defense player on Team Germany!" Lovino could almost see the little hearts floating around his brother's face as he thought about whoever it was that he was thinking about. But Lovino didn't really have time to think about that as he still had not yet broken eye contact with Antonio. There was a fire of passion in his eyes, something he could never remember being in anyone else's that looked at him

Without missing a beat, Antonio laughed and smiled at Feliciano, finally looking away. "You mean Ludwig, Feli? Angel isn't exactly the term I would use to describe him but I'm sure Gilbert will be pleased to hear someone has their eye on his little brother." The spell of Antonio had finally broken the moment he uttered that name and Lovino left the soccer field so fast, barely watching where he was going in his unhappiness. All Antonio brought was bad memories and bad feelings for him, there was absolutely no room in his life for that guy.

Lovino climbed in the driver's seat of the car and waited for his brother to finish cavorting with the enemy, his arms crossed in anger over his chest as he glared at nothing. He could barely think straight, the name of the person who hurt him so much nothing but a curse to him now. A tap sounded at the window and he saw Feliciano staring in the passenger side, tears in his eyes. Lovino unlocked the doors and his brother dived into the car, taking Lovino's hands and gripping them tightly..

"Antonio is very sorry," he said, his voice cracking with emotion. "He didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry you're still so sad, Lovino!" Feliciano's cheeks were damp and his mouth was skewed in worry. Lovino knew that it was neither Feliciano's job nor Antonio's to apologize.

"Don't be sad, little brother," he said, ruffling Feliciano's hair. "It's not your fault and it's not Antonio's fault either." He wanted to say more to explain, but it was so difficult for him to explain himself properly when it came to his feelings, even to Feli, that he left it at that, remaining silent. His brother wiped his tears away carefully, sniffling and trying his best to perk up a little bit with a tentative smile.

He said, "Do you want to go get pizza with all of us, Lovi? After a game everyone pitches in for pizza at Marco's." Lovino knew his brother was trying to make up for something that he didn't eve do, trying to make him feel better after Antonio's slip. But damn it, he shouldn't have to. He felt terrible for the position his brother was putting himself in just for Lovino's sake. He nodded his agreement and Feliciano finally smiled. "I'll tell Antonio and then we'll go!" Feliciano leapt from the car and ran across the parking lot, leaving Lovino to watch uncertainly as he talked excitedly with Antonio's whose smile was noticeable from half a football field away.

It didn't take long before they were heading towards the pizzeria, Feliciano back to his old self and bouncing in his seat, urging Lovino to go faster. "They have the best pizza and we have to get there before the dinner rush otherwise it'll take too long!" his brother whined as he got off the freeway, heading towards the shop with a roll of his eyes. He saw the green, white and red jerseys of Team Italy and the red and yellow of Team Spain grouped outside of the ship, waving to the brothers as they pulled up.

"Feli!" the team called almost in unison as the two walked over to the entrance, leading him in and shunting Lovino off to one side. He stared at the ground and ignored it, waiting for everyone else to enter before he even tried to. A hand rested on his shoulder and Antonio's worried expression caught his eye. Still torn between whether or not he should even consort with the man, he shrugged it off and strode into the building ahead of him. He sat down at the farthest table he could in the tiny shop by himself, glaring at the table. He should have expected it, but he was still mostly surprised when Antonio pulled out a chair and sat with him.

He snapped, "Stop trying so hard."

Antonio seemed genuinely confused, or maybe that was just the typical expression on his stupid face. "Trying so hard?"

"To make me feel better or be my friend or whatever it is you're doing." Lovino had to calm himself down a little bit, knowing that once he got himself going it was very hard to stop. "That's not your job." Lovino looked away from Antonio and suddenly was not in the mood for pizza for the first time in his life, his stomach a tangle of knots and anxiety as the waiter laughed and joked with his regular customers at the other tables.

"I never thought about it like that," Antonio said with a frown. "I don't feel obligated to befriend you or have some misguided sense of heroism to fix whatever he did to you, Lovino." Antonio's voice was firm but Lovino was not convinced, trying to prevent the thought of Gilbert that was threatening to spill into his heart. "When I met you in Francis's class, all I could think about is how much I enjoyed the look on your face as you drew me. The way your body moved, the way your eyes were so intense as you worked, how your voice sounded when you yelled at us." He chuckled and looked at his hands in embarrassment, his eyes not quite as bright as he was used to seeing them. The contrast was almost disconcerting.

"Don't be ridiculous," Lovino snapped, though there was no venom in his voice as he did so. He watched Antonio carefully, trying to gauge some kind of thoughts from him, some kind of intentions. But there was nothing at all. Antonio's face skewed into a mask of unhappiness was possibly the saddest thing that he'd ever seen. The man had a face that was meant to smile, meant to be filled with nothing but happiness and somehow Lovino was the cause of all that sorrow. Somehow though he'd never admit it, that hurt more than anything else. "Why do you care so much about me? You barely know me."

Antonio opened his mouth to explain but before he could, a man interrupted them. "Ready to order?" Lovino almost snapped at the waiter but frowned when he noticed exactly who it was.

"Cousin Valentino?" he asked in extreme confusion, looking around him to see Feliciano's gleeful face, knowing that his brother was probably the cause of Valentino taking so long to take their order. "Don't you have your own restaurant? Why are you here?"

Valentino winked at him and laughed. "The restaurant's only open for dinner, I work here for a little extra cash during the day." He made a show of his notepad and eyed the two of them expectantly. They ordered and as they finished, Valentino leaned down to Lovino's ear and whispered, "He's much easier on the eyes than the other one. Good catch, cousin, Lovi." His faced burned as he prayed Antonio did not hear, watching his cousin skip back to the kitchen almost a little too happy for his liking.

"Your face is red as a little tomato, Lovi!" Antonio gasped with a giggle, a smile finally situated back where it belonged. It made him a little breathless, but his fury was greater than his overwhelming infatuation and he glared with all his might as Antonio, who, all things considered, was unperturbed.

"Shut your damn mouth, you jerk," he said through gritted teeth, turning away from the other man and shooting daggers at his brother. It was his bright idea for Lovino to attend and now he was stuck with this idiot for the duration of the meal.

Antonio whined, "Ah, Lovi, don't be like that. I really want to be your friend."

"Why?" he snarled, turning to face Antonio so quickly his neck ached. "Why so badly? What possible fucking reason could you have for wanting to be my friend? Besides the stupid need to repair whatever damage you think Gilbert did to me." The restaurant was painfully quiet and Lovino realized he was the center of attention, Lovino's jaw dropped and his eyes wide in concern. Antonio's face was a mixture of confusion and hurt, and for some reason Lovino felt incredibly guilty. But instead of trying to rectify the situation, he stood up and did the only thing he knew how to do; grabbed his brother by the arm and ran away.

Today was one of the worst days he'd had in a long, long time.

He passed through the door with Feliciano in tow and turned away from the interior of the restaurant and into the broad chest of a very tall, muscular man in a soccer jersey adorned with the colors red, yellow, and black. "Oh, Ludwig," Feliciano said breathlessly, pulling free of his brother and standing almost demurely at the front of the shop. "How was your game? I just got back from mine too, we beat Spain and I had a lot of fun but it's so funny because we were just talking about you and how you're a great player and you help Germany win so often!"

Ludwig seemed at a loss for words as Feliciano rambled on at him, but Lovino was soon being swept away with a firm grip on his elbow. Antonio was gently prying his keys out of his hands but he could barely register the fact. "I'm going to drive you home and Feli can drive your car, okay?" He didn't argue as the serious look on Antonio's face made him pause, confusion filling him as he climbed into the passenger seat of his car. Antonio closed it behind him and Lvino watched him trot back across the parking lot to Feliciano, pulling his brother aside to explain the situation.

A mop of silver hair caught his eye and he twisted around in his seat to see Gilbert and another man walking over to the three. He had delicate features, pale skin, and a pair of wire framed glasses perched on his nose. He had an air of pomp around him, and Lovino realized that he and the man were quite possibly exact opposites. He was very attractive, though, Lovino had to admit, with light eyes and dark hair that shone. But when Gilbert planted a kiss on the man's cheek, he knew who it had to be.

Roderich.

He felt his chest constrict and he turned to face the dashboard, gripping the sides of the seat and staring at nothing as his eyes grew wet with tears. Before even a minute had passed, Antonio was back and starting the car, cursing under his breath. "I'm so sorry, Lovi. Just try not to look," he said, his wide green eyes filled to the brim with some kind of emotion that he could not identify. He drove to the only exit from the parking lot, driving right by Ludwig, Gilbert, Feliciano... and Roderich.

He couldn't help it as he turned to look out the window, time moving almost in slow motion as he moved from Feliciano's eyes, to Ludwig's, to Gilbert's, to Roderich's as they drove by. Gilbert's face nearly turned grey and Lovino saw his body tense, but then they were gone onto the side street and away from the pizza shop. Almost immediate a phone started to ring and Antonio put it to his ear roughly. "Now is not a good time," he said quietly, glancing to Lovino and turning his eyes back to the road. "No, no you're jumping to conclusions." The voice continued on the other line and Antonio sighed. "Not that it's any of your business. Stop being stupid, Gil." Lovino's jaw clenched and he stared out the window almost religiously, trying to ignore the conversation. "I'm hanging up now, I'm driving Lovi home." The voice exploded but Antonio disconnected the call, a vein in his throat throbbing gently.

Lovino was a little surprised at how angry Antonio seemed, as it was an emotion he typically did not expect to be associated with the man. The phone rang again and he ignored the call, tossing the device at Lovino. "Please pull the battery out, Lovino." He did as he was asked, watching the man silently and unsure of what to say to him. When they stopped at a light, Antonio met his eyes and smiled, tapping Lovino's hand for a second before turning back to the wheel. "Don't look so upset. You've got a wonderful smile, Lovi."

Before he could even stop to think, he blurted, "I'm so sorry Antonio."

"What?" His eyebrows rose in surprise. "Why?"

Lovino looked away, trying to stop the burning sensation in his cheeks. "For thinking you were trying to play clean up for him." They were quiet for a moment as Lovino glanced out the window for something to do rather than watch Antonio as he drove, his heart pumping so painfully in his chest to the point where he was surprised it wasn't popping out onto the dashboard. "Where are we?"

Antonio furrowed his brow and glanced out of the windows, suddenly realizing they were already parked somewhere. "Oh, I didn't realize I didn't know where you live. I guess I just sort of drove to my apartment out of habit." He scrubbed his fingers through his hair in a show of frustration that Lovino found almost sweet. He wanted to run his fingers through those brown curly locks too, but kept that thought to himself. "Where do you live?"

"Can I come in?" The questions were asked simultaneously, but he saw the grin spread to Antonio's face and felt butterflies fill his gut. Simple little things like that reminded him how much the way Antonio made him feel was so different from the way Gilbert had. He couldn't quite put his finger on what exactly the difference was but it was there, nearly palpable, and painfully obvious. He wanted to know so badly that it hurt but he just couldn't figure it out.

Antonio's place was a bit cluttered but clean, even if sparsely decorated but had a very lived in feeling about it. It felt like home. Lovino examined the pile of Spanish cook books in the kitchen and the basket of tomatoes on the counter, giving Antonio a confused glance that the other man didn't quite catch. He seemed almost nervous to have Lovino over, like he wasn't sure how to act around guests or maybe it was  _because_  it was Lovino specifically. He wasn't sure, but the way Antonio tugged on the neck of his jersey was rather cute.

"It's nice," he mentioned in an attempt to put his friend more at ease as his eyes noted a bottle of wine in a language he could not read. Lovino examined it for only a moment before Antonio picked it up from the counter with a smile. God, he hated what the smile did to him.

"Interested?"

It didn't take long before the two were on the loveseat, Lovino drunk as he'd ever been on the best tasting wine he'd ever had in his entire life. Antonio had been monopolizing most of the conversation, much better at handling his alcohol than Lovino, who drank more than he probably should have. But then again, he was only nineteen and while he had wine with his grandpa sometimes, he wasn't exactly an experienced drinker. "How old are you?" Lovino suddenly blurted as Antonio took a breath telling some anecdote or another that he hadn't exactly been paying attention to.

That threw him very noticeably, and Antonio stared at him with his jaw dropped for a moment. "Uh, thirty four," he answered, almost sheepishly, and Lovino nearly spit the wine out of his mouth. He shouldn't have been surprised though, Gilbert was about the same age. "Why?" It took him a second to compose himself before shrugging in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner, swirling the wine around in the glass to buy himself a little time.

"Just curious," he answered, the wine going down almost too easily. He was being really stupid right now, getting wasted with some guy he barely knew in a place he didn't know how to get home from. Not to mention that guy was a good fifteen years older than him. What was he thinking? But he just couldn't stop, feeling reckless as he downed the glass. What did it matter, though? He thought to himself as he scooted closer to Antonio, who didn't seem to notice. Life at that moment was just hazy and confusing and Lovino wasn't sure what had gotten ahold of him. When Antonio finally stopped talking again, he leaned in to press a kiss to the man's mouth.

Lovino truly expected Antonio to move away, but the man did just the opposite. He gripped Lovino tightly and kissed him back gently, as if testing the waters before diving in. It was almost cute how unsure he was, but Lovino couldn't think of much more of anything else than finding out what color sheets Antonio had. It was a weird thing for him, a young man who'd never even let Gilbert see him naked, who'd never had sex with anyone in his life.

There was just something about the way Antonio made him feel, like there was something more there. Gilbert had paid attention to him and Lovino had been spellbound by that. But Antonio made him feel wanted and there was a grip that those green eyes had on his heart almost immediately. Which was silly and pathetic, mere weeks after having his heart broken, less than a few days with Antonio fixing it up for him. Lovino stood up without removing his mouth from Antonio's, pulling him along to the only door he knew the bedroom to be.


	3. Lovino

Chapter 3: Lovino

Antonio's sheets were red, Lovino noted, waking up with the most horrendous headache he could ever have imagined. Antonio was on the other side of the bed, blissfully snoring away, face down in the pillow. He would have had the grace to feel ashamed and upset if the two weren't full clothed in what they wore the day before. He did, however, feel the red hot flush of embarrassment at the red bruises all over Antonio’s neck and wondered how long it took for Antonio to fight him off.

“Fuck,” he said quietly with a grimace, silently getting out of the bed and quickly making his way back out to the living room. He had twelve missed calls and nearly sixty text messages, the majority of which were from a worried Feliciano. There was also a single missed call from Gilbert that he chose to ignore, not wanting to touch that with a ten foot pole.

“Lovino!” his brother answered the phone with a cry, nearly bursting one of his ear drums in the process. “We were so worried when you weren't at home and you and Antonio didn't answer your phones!” He was very emotional and Lovino sighed, running his hand through his hair. Once his brother got started it was difficult to get him to stop, so Lovino listened to him cry for the next fifteen minutes solid before he finally got a word in edgewise.

“Feliciano!” Feli stopped short at the tone in his voice and he continued. “Feli, I'm at Antonio's house. I got wasted and passed out here but I'll be home soon.” He hung up without another word from his brother, his head throbbing horribly as he leaned back on the loveseat to wait for Antonio to wake up. It was seven in the morning and the sun was obscured by rain clouds, making it seem earlier than it actually was. Lovino wondered exactly how long Antonio could sleep for.

Only ten minutes passed before his impatience got the better of him and he quietly snuck back into the bedroom. The man had not changed position in the over half an hour Lovino had been in the living room and he grimaced. Heavy sleeper, he noticed, poking him in the shoulder. “Antonio,” he said somewhat quietly, shaking him gently. “Antonio take me home.” No response. He called the name again, louder, and still nothing.

Lovino climbed back into the bed, braced himself against the wall, and shoved Antonio's sleeping form off the mattress and haphazardly onto the floor, where he squealed loudly and sat up in bleary confusion. He looked at Lovino and his disgruntled face suddenly turned to pure sunshine, a huge grin on his face. “ _Buenos días, mi corazón_!” he greeted, pulling himself up from the floor and stretching. Lovino again ignored the blatantly obvious hickeys on the man's neck and glared at him. How did he look so perfect when just waking up?

“Take me home.”

The car ride was quiet, Lovino staring at his hands and occasionally at Antonio, who for his part, wasn't being nosy. But the question at the tip of his tongue, the forefront of his mind, was a difficult one to ask, because he wasn't sure if he would be elated to disappointed by what he was sure was going to be the answer. “We didn't do anything last night, did we?”

Antonio licked his lips before answering. “You don't remember anything?” Lovino shook his head, only blurred images coming to mind. “We didn't sleep with each other Lovino. But I did not realize how drunk you were until you tried to take your clothes off.” He flushed bright red and looked away, mortified, embarrassed. “If I had known I wouldn't have let it go as far as it did. I'm sorry.” Antonio's expression was a mix of disappointment and regret and it sliced him deeply in his already wounded heart. He was a fool for thinking Antonio was the answer to all his problems.

But at that moment, all Lovino wanted to do was alleviate those fears in his eyes with what was admittedly the truth. “I kissed you because I wanted to. Don't give yourself such a hard time. I don't remember much after that, but I do remember kissing you on the couch. I wanted to do it, so don't worry so much.” He didn't meet Antonio's eyes as he spoke, instead choosing to stare at the dials for the radio, sure that if he looked Antonio he would be swept away into something he wasn't quite ready for.

“That makes me feel a lot better,” he admitted, following Lovino's directions in silence as they made their way back to the house. Lovino wasn't sure if he wanted to be away from Antonio so soon but he knew he needed to. He needed some time to reevaluate what he was doing with this guy. Antonio pulled up in front of the large home and parked, though Lovino stalled getting out of the car as he watched the man. He was so warm, so welcoming, the air of happiness and sunshine and kindness emanating from him in waves.

“Thank you for everything,” he said through gritted teeth, wondering why he didn't just meet Antonio first and Gilbert just left him alone. Antonio smiled and nodded, gently placing one hand on Lovino's before unlocking the doors.

He asked, “Can I see you sometime? Under better circumstances?”

Lovino snorted. “After all that shit you had to put up with because of me, you still want to see me again? Are you fucking retarded?”

“If I say yes will you let me see you again?” His self depreciating smile vanished and he looked at Antonio, unsure of what to say. Did he want to say yes for the right reasons? All Lovino knew was that being around Antonio made him forget his heartbreak, he knew he really liked him and seeing him again could be a set up for another painful, agonizing, failure. But somehow, Antonio seemed worth the risk.

“Phone.” He held out his hand expectantly as Antonio fished his cell out of his pocket, and programmed his number into the device. As he handed it back to Antonio, a whim overtook him and he leaned over to kiss him again, wanting to experience the sensation completely sober. Antonio's mouth was slightly dry but soft, his curls brushing Antonio's forehead.

“Is that a yes?” Antonio asked in a daze and Lovino moved to climb out of the car.

He frowned. “What do you think asshole?” That smile never got old, never ceased to give him butterflies and make him fall just a tiny bit more in love with him. God he was so stupid, pathetic. He threw himself at the very first person to even act like he was interested after what happened. Was this the real deal? He couldn't tell. As he climbed out Antonio did too, closing the door behind him. “As far as first dates go, that one sucked dick. Try harder next time.”

Antonio laughed heartily as he walked Lovino up to the door, stopping on the stoop and kissing him one more time. “See you soon, _mi corazón_ ,” he promised, walking back to his car and waving as he went. Lovino watched him go, feeling a sense of loss that he couldn't quite place, something he'd never really felt before. As he pondered that he unlocked the front door, so much on his mind that he could barely process it all.

“Feli?” he called, taking his shoes off and locking the door behind him. A loud crash sounded a squeal followed, sending Lovino around the stairs as fast as he could and into the kitchen as he went. Feliciano stood before him covered in food, his apron a mess and his eyes wide and fearful. Sitting at the bar was big, blonde Ludwig, his usually well kept hair in his face and shaggy from sleep. He wore only his boxers and a black tank top, and Lovino rounded on his brother in fury. “What the hell is he doing here?” he demanded, trying to ignore all the ways Ludwig reminded him of his brother.

Feliciano gripped Lovino by the shirt and precariously dragged him from the kitchen. “Ah, Lovi, Ludwig and I had a sleepover last night that's all. Don't be so mean, big brother! I really like him.”

“Just keep him away from me,” he snapped, storming up the stairs and slamming the door to his room shut behind him. He needed a nap, he was way too tired to deal with all this right now. Tugging his cell phone out of his pocket, he tossed it onto his bed and when it landed, realized that the indicator light was flashing.

_Hey Lovi! This is Antonio. Hope to see you soon._

He gritted his teeth and cuddled under the blankets before allowing himself to fall asleep.

…

Lovino woke up with a terrible sickness in his stomach. It had been almost a month since he had last seen Antonio and it wasn't because he didn't want to. It also wasn't because Antonio didn't want to. The two exchanged texts more often than Lovino spoke with anyone and he found himself more and more interested in Antonio as time went by. But he'd only been broken up with a little over two months ago and while the pain was healing, he was worried about the impact a similar situation with Antonio would cause.

Every time Antonio brought up seeing him again for some reason or another he said he was busy, he changed the subject, he made excuse after excuse. He half hoped that Antonio might lose interest, though Lovino wasn't sure which would devastate him more. He envied Feliciano's easy relationship with that potato eating German bastard who was always going to be on his shit list for almost anything he did.

“Lovi, dinner!” Feliciano called through the door, knocking loudly and interrupting his train of thought.

He groaned, a hand to his stomach. “I'm not hungry.”

“What?!” The door was slammed open and his brother flurried over to his bedside in worry, a creasing growing deeper between his eyebrows. “What's wrong with you?”

“I'm going to vomit all over your stupid face if you don't back up!” he threatened weakly, putting a hand over his forehead. His face burned and his eyes were tired and warm, and he was in no mood to deal with his brother right now. The buzzing of his phone met his ears and he turned it on to read the message Antonio sent him briefly before writing back that he was dying and to leave him alone. Feliciano backed up in fear of projectile vomit and headed to wards the door.

“Feel better Lovi,” he said tearfully before closing the door quietly, leaving his brother to his own devices. He wanted to go back and closed his eyes, ready to pass out for the next several hours, but just as he was falling asleep, his ringer sounded in his ear, startling him.

“What?” he groaned into the phone, rolling over and pulling the blankets over his head. Why couldn't the world just leave him alone to his misery.

Antonio laughed in relief and Lovino felt his heart skip a beat, the feeling making him even more irritated than he was before. Not seeing Antonio for a month was supposed to alleviate that feeling, not make it more prominent. “I really thought you were dying! I was worried.”

“Don't be stupid,” he grumbled into his pillow. “I wouldn't just text you if I was dying. I'm just sick.”

“Want me to come visit?” Antonio asked and Lovino heard a clang on the other end of the line. He wondered what Antonio was up to though he was much too embarrassed to ask.

He snorted. “What for? So you can get sick too?”

“Well no. So I can see you.” I haven't been able to in weeks, something always comes up.” Lovino felt guilty. He really wanted to see Antonio, so much that it ached him at this moment to try and dissuade him from coming. But he was so sure it was going to end in an unmitigated disaster. He wanted to be sure before he even tried anything.

He answered, “No, that's okay. I have Feli taking care of me.”

“Okay, if you're sure!” He sounded a tiny bit disappointed and the guilt gnawed and Lovino painfully.

“Maybe when I feel better,” he offered, chewing on the inside of his lip. What was he doing? He was ruining this when he knew if he were with Antonio he would be happy. Life was about taking risks and all he was doing was playing it safe. Antonio was more than worth it, more than he could ever hope to have. “You know,” he said slowly, just as Antonio was about to speak again. “You can come over if you want. I won't be very interesting though.” When Antonio didn't immediately answer he felt even more guilt fill his chest and rolled back over to face the ceiling. “I want you to, Antonio.”

He replied back quietly, “You sure about that?”

“I wouldn't fucking as if I wasn't.” The silence returned and he allowed his eyes to remain closed in frustration. This was his own damn fault from day one and he knew it. He alienated and distanced himself from Antonio to the point where he was sure Antonio was getting the wrong idea based on the admittedly very factual evidence. It's not like Antonio didn't want to see him, he was just too scared to. “Please?”

It was one of those moments where heart triumphed over head for him, where his feelings for Antonio wiped the floor with his better judgment. He really couldn't deny it any longer. He had tried and tired for the past month and all it did was make him sick to his stomach and lonelier than he had ever felt in his entire life. The way Antonio felt about him, the way he felt about Antonio, they were exactly the same and he was foolish to pretend otherwise anymore. It was just hurting himself more than Gilbert ever had.

“I'll be right there, Lovi.” His voice was soft as he hung up the phone and Lovino sighed, burying himself deeper in his blankets and staring up at the ceiling, tired and worn out. Relationships with other people—platonic, romantic, what have you—they all just took so many damn work.

Feliciano brought him up a small bowl of penne with no sauce that he snacked on for a little while though his stomach was still doing somersaults for a variety of reasons. He heard Feliciano chattering up the stairs before the door was even opened to let Antonio in some time later, and he caught the back end of his statement, “It's so nice to see you Antonio! Thank you for keeping Lovi company, he really does need it.” He smiled at them both before leaving the room, shutting the door and heading noisily back down the stairs.

Antonio stood awkwardly by the door as they stared at each other, and held up a white grocery back, trying to restrain a dopey grin. “I brought you some sopa de ajo blanco, Lovi. I hope you like it.” He placed it on the bedside nightstand and continued to stand about uncertainly, biting his lip and watching Lovino with a puzzled expression.

He signed and held his hand out to Antonio from under the blankets, half surprised when the man allowed himself to be pulled underneath beside him. “I'm sorry,” he said, the words grating through his teeth. He hated to say it to anyone, but Antonio deserved an explanation. He wrapped himself around the man, his head on his shoulder and his arm stretched across his chest. He felt so warm and safe and happy. “I've been so worried about what happened between me and, ah...” he paused for a moment before continuing on, “Gilbert that I forgot that you're not him.”

Antonio snorted and shook his head, causing Lovino to flush uncertainly and hide his face before the other man could see. “That I am not. I am not quite so foolhardy as Gilbert, god knows, though I can be a little slow with some things.” He stopped and Lovino felt his mouth press against his hair. “But I am not so foolish Lovino to let someone like you slip away so easily.”

“That why you tried so hard?”

“Only because I knew you felt the same, mi corazón.”

“You didn't know shit.” Lovino was kind of mortified; he had thought he'd been so slick, so clever. He thought he hid his feelings so well, kept them in an airtight seal where no one could detect them. And all this time he knew. His face burned hotter in embarrassment and he squeezed his eyes shut to keep them from tearing up, trying not to seem like the big baby that he actually was.

“If you say so, Lovi,” he replied easily, smiling against his hair and resting his cheek against the top of his head. They were quiet for a short while, Antonio running his hand slowly across Lovino's shoulder. He was so glad Antonio came over to see him, so happy that he was finally able to make up his mind. He allowed himself a small, short lived smile before turning to Antonio with a serious expression. “What is the matter?” he asked, furrowing his brow.

He asked quietly, “Is Gilbert angry with you?”

“He'll get over it.” Lovino nodded, scooting up a little bit and pressing his lips against Antonio's before pulling back very quickly, realizing why he was in bed in the first place. “Everything okay?” His voice was worried and Lovino sat up, shoving his messy bangs out of his eyes and groaning. The sun was too bright after being under the blanket for so long.

He whined, “I'm sick you damn idiot. Get out of my bed, you're gonna get sick too.”

Laughing Antonio wrestled Lovino back down to the bed and situated himself over him, an elbow resting on each side of his head. “Don't be silly,” Antonio teased, pressing kisses to his cheeks and mouth gently. “I'm not going anywhere.” Lovino rolled his eyes and allowed Antonio to do what he wanted, each peck becoming longer and more passionate.

“I know, you bastard, I believe you,” he gasped as Antonio kissed his neck softly and slowly, burying his fingers into the man's dark curly locks. But nothing went farther than that as Antonio continued to press his lips to his, making his body tingle and his heart pound and every vein in his body pump hot blood that drove him absolutely insane. He'd never been with anyone before, and he wanted so badly to experience everything with Antonio. He could tell, from first sight, that Antonio was it for him.

His one and only.


End file.
